


This Is Goodbye

by AlwaysACuteMess



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: ESP, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Visions of death, Visions of the Future, hardcore angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8170942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysACuteMess/pseuds/AlwaysACuteMess
Summary: He had no idea what was going on. Why she was acting this way- where she was going- what the fuck was happening- And then it was over.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a commission for the lovely TB, http://tempora-bellatorem.tumblr.com/!

Little threads. Plucked over. Like fingers on a harp.  
The visions would come without warning, sometimes without any ease of helpfulness, too.  
There was no one you could talk to about it. Who would believe you, anyway? And, better yet, you’d decided a long time ago that you didn’t want that burden to bear. Not only in doing some parlor tricks to prove your sanity or your honesty, but you didn’t want to become some sort of freak show in the aftermath. You were not meant to be ogled or booed at. Ooo-and-ahhed at.

Sometimes the future was bleak. Someone dying. A disaster about to strike.  
Sometimes the future was bright. Usually singularly. Money, a show doing well, good news before it broke. But in either case you stayed silent.

When the visions hit, if you were doing something important, or with someone observant, they’d ask what happened. You’d go a little slack. Slump of the shoulders. A little dazed. Eyes fogged over, seeing something else entirely than what was laid out in front of you. The worst part was, more often than not, it took some deducing to pick apart meaning. Another reason you couldn’t just say you _felt_ like something was about to happen. It was your life to live, your secret to hold. No one needed to know.

The worst of them came when you were hanging out with Dan. He could always tell when something was going awry. Because he was always paying attention. He seemed, sometimes, to be somewhat of a space case himself. So much so that you thought to ask if he could see things, too. He’d just get this far off look in his eyes, like he was seeing seven different futures all together. Seeing something. But you were too scared to get an answer. What would you do if he said yes? What would you do, worse yet, if he said no and giggled at the idea?

Dan was too sweet to hurt you. So you wouldn’t let him do it, even if he didn’t even know the meaning.

But for all his glazed over, head tilted, distance at times, he never pulled that when he was _just_ with you. No, when he was **just** with you he smiled, eyes on you the entire time. Listened carefully. Intently. Talked for hours. Enjoyed the time together. He was a good friend. You loved each other dearly. He’d gotten used to you being a ‘space cadet’ as he’d affectionately called it. Tried to tell you it was no big deal, after all, he did it all the time, too.

This one was one you couldn’t come back from. You’d been sitting down for dinner at three in the morning. You couldn’t sleep and he was getting off layers of work. Lyrics, music, grumps recording, meetings, hand shaking- so he’d texted. Asked if you were still awake, if you wanted to get something to eat. Happily you went.

A good old diner. One of your favorite places to just sit and mellow with him. Even when you two were too exhausted to talk it still felt good. But that’s when it happened. He was _still_ working, then. Notebook open, trying to nail down some chorus line. Chewing on his lip absently. Scratching at his hair. Then he was gone.

Your vision tunneled in bright white. And you saw almost nothing.  
A street. Clearly defined corners.  
Dirty sidewalk. Cracked, worn. Grass growing in patches, bursting up from the concrete.  
Chalk drawings- pink and blue, lines for hopscotch. Houses falling apart beyond a wire fence.  
The other side of the street almost a disturbing opposite reflection. Built businesses, preened and pretty.

And there you were.  
And then there you were _not_.

You felt the thread snap. Fingers pulling too hard on the proverbial instrument, cutting the usage in its prime. But unlike a harp or a guitar, this was not meant to be mended.

This was you.  
And you had just witnessed your death.

By this time so far in your life visions were no longer taxing. When you came to, you usually just blinked your eyes. Shook your head. Tried to hold on to the pictures and sounds if they were important enough not to let slip from your hands. But this time-

“Whoa- holy fucking shit-!” You’d startled him because you’d leaned forward without warning, palms bracing the tabletop, gasping for breath. Shaking hard.

Death- you were going to die- but you- couldn’t see how. Or why. Or when- wait- the sun was.. just going down, you remember, but- tomorrow? What was the date- was there a newspaper or a phone in that vision you could remember seeing? Something- anything-

“Fucking talk to me, are you okay?” Dan’s panic broke through your rewinding, just as you saw the numbers bearing your expiration. His hand was on your shoulder, looking at you like he’d experienced it, too. Terrified. Distraught. On the verge of tears- but he couldn’t have, and he didn’t know.

He was just scared because you were crying and hysterical for no reason. And not answering him, too. “I’m- I’m-“ You wanted to tell him that you were fine but the words weren’t come. Because you simply were not. You were not okay. And very soon you would not _be_ at all.

Things like this were meant to be. Spinning towards an inevitable conclusion that only you could see. Dan worked himself to death that night so that he could ask you to eat with him. You’d been up with some itchy feeling, tossing and turning, unknowingly waiting for his call. All so that you would not spend your last moments _seeing_ your last moments alone.

He’d come around to the other side of the booth and took you in your arms. Tried to console you from the edge of something he didn’t understand. One minute it was quiet, the next you were sobbing. Something had spooked you. That same something that he still didn’t understand. Where did you go?  
Where did you go in your head when you looked so far away?  
This time- where _this_ time? What caused this?

He was too scared to ask as much as you were too scared to say. Instead you half sat in his lap, clutching at his shirt, crying a patch of wetness into his shoulder. Before today, death had been an obvious known concept, but one you thought you weren’t scared of.  
You didn’t worry about where you’d go. Or where you wouldn’t go. You didn’t care about life going on without you-

But now, seeing it all come to a halt, _now_ you did.  
After tomorrow there would be nothing more for you. No more late nights with Dan. No more visiting familiar faces. No holidays. No vacations. No laughing. No games. No anything.

Life would carry on without you. As it was meant to do. The world would keep turning. People would get over it eventually. You were meant to go and they were meant to stay. And that was the way it was. And now after all your time- _now_ you were scared. Now you were frightened. Saddened by the thought.

And you couldn’t take anyone with you.  
You’d started in secret. That was the way you would finish.

When you finally got enough of yourself back in control you let Dan go back to the other side of the table. No longer able to look at him. Not wanting him to see you as much as you didn’t want to remember the troubled look on his face as the last thing you did together. The last thing you imparted to him. “I’m okay.” You told him quite a few times over.

“You’re not.” He told you back.

The feeling of your legs finally returned and you used it to get up. “I have to go I- I’m sorry.” You couldn’t be there anymore. You’d crack under the pressure of his desperate gaze.

His hand shot out to hold your wrist. “What the fuck, ___- come on- _please_ fucking talk to me. What’s going on? You’re scaring the shit out of me and I don’t-“ He was nervous. Not sure where he was allowed to walk. But terrified of what was happening to you. Wanting to help but not knowing how, or _what_ he was helping with.

When suddenly he was on his feet, too, you wrapped your arms around him and hugged him hard. You shouldn’t have done this to him, but this, like all things, was just meant to be. So you had to make it right the best you could. He was hugging you tightly. “I’m sorry.” You said simply again. “I couldn’t sleep because I got a call about someone dying and it kinda just all hit me at once.” The best you could do for him. The best you could do at all.

He held you tighter. “Oh- fuck, I’m so sorry... please don’t go though like- sit with me. Okay? I don’t want you to be alone.” This started the tears again. That was Dan. Sweet and wonderful and very soon you wouldn’t be with him anymore.

You just held steadfast to the thought that you couldn’t drag him with you. Gathered up what little strength you had, patting his chest, getting him to let go. “I have a lot of shit I gotta do so I- ...” Then there you were hugging him again. “Thank you. For everything.” There was no way in the world you could properly give him everything you owed him.

He was the best human being you’d ever known.  
And maybe it was just the loss of that, or what foolish dreams of what could have been, that really unhinged you. But you stayed strong. “I don’t... you’re welcome? I dunno what for..” His giggles were less than half their usual vibrancy. But it would have to do. “Please don’t go.” He whispered this and it nearly took you to your knees.

He didn’t know the accuracy of what he was begging for. “I have to.” Hugging him almost hard enough to snap him in half. His hold about the same. Comforting as much as it was painful. For so many reasons other than the squeeze around you.

When he let you go, you saw it. Little tracks of tears from the corners of both his eyes. He didn’t know- just crying because you were so distraught. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Trying to make you promise.

Damn him. Damn him.  
God damn him.

You said nothing. Instead just smile weakly at him, wiping away the wet line on his left cheek. Leaning up to press a kiss there after. And then you turned sharply and walked away. You had to. You couldn’t stay there anymore. You didn’t want to know how defeated he’d look slumping back in the booth. Alone. Or what he’d think about. What he’d wonder about you. Or what plans he was formulating already to do tomorrow to make you feel better. What places he’d want to take you-

Nothing. You wanted to think nothing on all of it.  
But it was all you _could_ think about as you made your last preparations.  
As you said goodbye.

\-------

Dan was so wiped by the time he got home that he slept for hours. Right on through early morning and deep into afternoon. Fitful, uneasy sleep. He dreamt that he was running. Though where he never understood. He just ran. But when he awoke, uneasy, with a pit in his stomach, he knew he was running to you.

He made an apologetic phone call to Arin. Sorry for missing the meeting. Sorry for scaring the shit out of you not answering your texts. Just slept too hard. Determined to make it into the office so that they could record a session again today to really fill up the reserves. It’d be late. After his shave, his shower, getting into newly washed clothes, drinking some tea-

Doing anything he possibly could to try and make himself feel better. None of it was working. So he let the anxious haze follow him to the office where it only deepened when he walked in the door. Everyone was sitting at the table, looking up at him with forlorn eyes. Everyone, except-

“Where’s...”  
Not there. Worry rose like bile in his throat.

“I tried to tell you on the phone, dude. You sounded really out of it.” Just kept putting him off. Yeah, yeah, yeah- Arin had tried to tell him that... “She left this..” Handing Dan a thin, white envelope.

He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he pulled open the flap, already creased from being passed around so many times, he assumed. The last to know. He was the last to know that-

_Thank you for everything. I know this is sudden but I have to go. I won’t be back. Just know that these years were the best of my life. I’ll miss you. I love you._

He saw the tears dropping onto the page, marring her signature, before he actually felt himself crying. Quickly flicking over the envelope to the other side. It was just addressed to _The Grump Family_. But he- was it selfish to think this was meant for him? Him alone? Couldn’t be. But he- something in his heart-

“This is such fucking bullshit-“ Angry. Scared. Overwhelmingly pathetic. All at once. Why wouldn’t she talk to him? Why wouldn’t she- where the fuck was she going?

Why last night-  
Why had she-

“I have to fucking go.” Letting that pithy little excuse for a goodbye spiral to the floor as he dropped it and slammed the door behind him.

He’d find her.  
He’d find her, he told himself, even if it took all day.

Her house?  
No. Empty. No one had seen her- except for her nosy neighbor down the street. Saw her walking off. No car. No luggage. So she couldn’t have gone far. He texted everyone he knew in the area. Seen her? No. No one had seen her. No one at all. Like she’d never even existed.

Stores.  
Restaurants.  
Book shop- coffee shop- cafe- theater-

Nowhere. Like she’d dropped off the face of the fucking earth. Why? Why had she done this?

He felt despair settling hard.  
She was gone and he didn’t know why- or, worse yet, the little that he did know was heartbreaking. Something had startled her. Something had broken her. He’d never seen her that way before. Dozing off with her eyes open. She did it all the time, but he’d _never_ seen her come out of it like that. Where did she go? Where was she now because of it?

Standing outside the diner as the light was dying in the sky. The last place he’d been with her. The last place he’d seen her-

And then-

\--------

There was no point in avoiding the place. If you tried to stay far away, inevitably you’d just be pulled there. Someone would call- someone else would get mixed up in it because you were trying to avoid fate. And you couldn’t do that to anyone else. You’d cut your ties. And now it was time for everything to just be over. It was a good thing you seemed so strange. Walking lazily up and down the street, crying to yourself. Everyone thought you were nuts. Maybe you were.

But at least they all stayed away. Left you alone to your future gravesite.  
Alone except for-

Your name cut through the quiet surmounting the sunset. The quiet just before you were about to go. Your name.  
His voice.

You were scared to turn around. Hoping, almost, that your mind was playing tricks on you. But then his heavy hand laid to your shoulder and you turned on your heel. He seemed mad for about three seconds before taking in your expression and then all of that bled out of him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” This not angry, just desperate. _Scared_.

There was no right way to react to this, which was good because you didn’t know what to do. Shrug him off? Piss him off, maybe? Make him hate you so that he’d go away? Impossible. Dan wasn’t like that. Clearly.

Fucking _clearly_.  
Because here he was. Unable to let you go. He didn’t know where you were going, no way that he could, but he didn’t want you to go regardless.

“Please just- just- just leave me alone...” You weren’t angry, either. The same tone leaking out of you as you hid your face behind your hands. Just go away... please.. You didn’t know what else to do. Didn’t want him to be here.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you if you’re like- I don’t fucking know- having a mental breakdown or something- I dunno- I don’t care, either. I mean I do- of course I do- but- Look- just- let me help you, okay? Come back to my place and we’ll-“ Words just falling out of his mouth in a hurried mumble. Almost like he was scared if he didn’t hit just the right phrase you’d evaporate before his eyes. And then you heard the sound of him crying. “___ , _please_.” Lurching the word. Caught in his throat, heavy with tears. Begging you. Begging you to do anything but _go_.

It was that clutched sound that drove you away from him. Out of his reach. He couldn’t be here for this. You’d tried so hard to spare him from any of it but there he was. Begging you to do the impossible. Breaking you. Cutting you. Couldn’t let you just die peacefully. No. Now you had to go out knowing you were killing him, too.

“Dan-“ About to beg him right back.

But it was all over after that. Moving away from him into the street. Just as a car whirled around the corner, swerving almost perfectly into you.

Just the way it was meant to be.  
But instead of silence next to brakes screeching. You heard your name again.

\--------

Moments like these were supposed to happen in slow motion. So that he could see every mistake he’d made and wish that he’d been reaching just a little further. When she tumbled away from him off the sidewalk, hand outstretched, willing to do anything- _everything_ to make her stop. Seconds away from getting on his knees. He had no idea what was going on. Why she was acting this way- where she was going- what the fuck was happening-

And then it was over.  
He heard the crack of her body hitting the front of a car he hadn’t even seen coming. Heard himself screaming her name as he watched her tumble up over the hood and then roll all the way back onto the pavement. Rubber halting- incoherent rambling- the car taking off.

He dropped beside her. Bloodied and battered. Almost lifeless.  
“Je-jesus fuc-fuckin’-“ Crying so hard now that he could barely make any noise. Jamming his hand into his pocket getting his phone so that he could call 911 as his other arm wrapped around her shoulders. “Hold on for me, baby- please fucking- just- hold the fuck on I-“

Trying to keep it together while he talked to the operator. Name- her name- their street- avenues- car- license plate- no no he barely even saw the fucking car- she was dying.

Something in him knew.  
Leaving. She was leaving. Moments of the night before flashed brightly at the forefront of his mind. Everything she said. Everything she did. It was too perfect- wasn’t it? Too perfect for-

“Dah... D-...nn..” His brain came to a quick halt when he heard her, disobeying the operator to stay on the line as he let his phone drop to the pavement so that he could hold her. Just hold on to her because he didn’t know what the fuck else to do.

“Someone’s coming, okay? Why- did you- fuckin’... please just- please just stay- _stay_ , okay?” Before he’d only known he was asking her not to run off. Now he knew he’d been asking her to stay.

 _Stay alive._  
“Stay with me, baby, okay? Jus- just look at me- it’s- you’re- gonna-“ Breath catching him at the end of every word. The wonderful sound of wailing sirens lit up in the distance. “Someone- they’re- they’re coming- okay? Please fucking stay. Stay with me. Don’t go, okay? I love you, too, okay? So please- please- **_please_** fucking stay-“

She looked up at him, eyes barely open, just enough to see him. Just enough for him to see her gazing at him. “Dan-...” His only response to the sound of his name sounding so broken from her lips was a sob. Clutching her as close as he thought he could without hurting her. “Dan...”

“It’s oka-okay.. it’s gonna- it’s gonna... it’s okay-“ Weeping helplessly. Not sure if he wanted her to keep on trying to tell him whatever it was she was trying so desperately to get out or to save her strength.

“Dan...”

His name almost drowned out by the sound of the ambulance pulling up.  
Yet crystal clear, just because he was listening so hard.  
Watching so close.  
Shattered to pieces by the sight of her so close in his eyes.

Close enough to know that after she’d gotten it out for the last time, after all his begging, his worthless, fruitless, useless begging... she was gone.


End file.
